I Miss You, Daddy
by SparkleInTheSun
Summary: It was that time of the year again - the time of year when Sam would come in, her eyes glued to the ground, her eyes red and the insults worse than ever. But this year was different, because she had fallen in love and insults never come easy then. Seddie
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, as ever.**

**A/N: This story is based off the song 'I Miss You Daddy (Heaven)' – Sammy**

**~ I Miss You Daddy ~ **

It was that time of year ago, the time of year when Sam would keep her eyes lowered to the ground, the time of year her insults hurt _more than before_. He had become used to it, he had even marked the date on his calender to make sure he was mentally – and physically – prepared.

He heaved a deep sigh, his eyes closing for a second as he tried to avoid thinking about it, maybe it wouldn't happen this year, maybe she would be okay this year, maybe she had forgotten about whatever event happened to her over six years ago.

He frowned, sharing a look with his best friend Carly – both of them knowing what was about to come – before walking into the school. He inhaled a deep, shaky breath before walking to the lockers where they would usually meet – it only took one look at the girl to notice that this year wasn't going to be any different to the others.

He bit down on his lip at the sight of her red eyes, the dark circles underneath seemed engraved into her pale face. He sighed, wanting to comfort her but knowing that he didn't need another bruise or broken bone to add to his collection.

"Sam?" Carly was the first to speak, taking a step towards the usually feisty and seemingly unemotional girl, Sam nodded at her and then opened her locker, trying to avoid any eye contact with either of them.

"Are you okay?" A simple shake of the head told them everything, she had always _insisted _she was fine for all these years. Something was wrong this year, _very _wrong. She looked up for a second, her eyes meeting Freddie's, before she sighed and slammed the locker door shut.

"I don't want to be here." She whispered, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the cold, metal locker. It took Freddie just a moment to react, his hand reaching out for her in an instant – he didn't even think about the consequences right then. Sam looked at him as his hand moved to her lower back, moving in gentle circles as he hushed her.

Carly looked at the two, smiling a little before turning back to Sam, "Sam, why did you come in?"

"Mom doesn't want me at home, she doesn't like being sad today." Her voice was just above a whisper, not tearing her eyes away from Freddie, her face only appearing to get paler and paler by the second.

"Come on, I will take you to mine." Freddie frowned, not knowing how to react to this Sam as he dropped his hand and took her hand in his instead, shaking his head at Carly before walking out of the school doors.

"You don't have to." Sam muttered, all the fight in her gone as her hand tightened in his, only letting him know that he did, she _needed _him. He smiled at the thought of Sam needing him – Freddie Benson. Maybe she felt the same way as he felt about her, maybe she loved him like he had secretly loved her for months now. Maybe.

Sam kept her eyes glued to her feet, a small tear falling down her face and hitting the concrete floor within seconds, she could almost feel her heart tearing as she thought about what had happened this day six years ago.

"Freddie?" Her voice cracked as more tears fell down her face, finally looking up at him, her body shaking as the rain started to slowly pour down, hitting the ground in large drops.

"You can tell me Sam, you can tell me anything." He whispered, stopping to turn and face her, dropping her hand and wrapping his arms around her shoulders instead. He bit down on his lip at the feel of her shaking bodies, her soft tears falling onto his shoulder as her arms wrapped around his waist and her head on his shoulder.

"Tell me, please."

"I-I.. it's stupid..."

"Tell me anyway." He let his hands trail up her body, his fingers resting under her chin before lifting her head up, "I want my daddy back..." She finally broke down, the sobs taking over her body as the rain seemed to get heavier and heavier around them. Freddie stared at her for a moment, bringing her impossibly closer to his body as he wrapped his arms around her and put his head on top of hers, hushing her as he tried to reassure her that it was going to be okay. But he wasn't sure if it was ever going to be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

Freddie looked at the girl across for him, almost afraid of what she was going to do to him tomorrow when she snapped out of the daze. He frowned, looking down at the floor before heaving a deep sigh and looking back up at her, "Sam..." He whispered, moving towards her and kneeling down right in front of her.

"You can move on from this, you can't do this to yourself forever."

"I-I miss him." Her voice was low, she was broken as she looked up at him, tears falling down her face, "He's safe now." Freddie smiled at her, putting his hand on top of hers and shaking his head.

"He wouldn't want you to be sad."

"I know.. but it's the only time I can be sad.." Her hand turned around, so their hands were now palm to palm, intertwining their fingers in each other's as a small smile appeared on her pale face.

"It's okay to cry sometimes,"

"He doesn't like it when I cry but it hurts so much, I just want him back Freddie, why can't I have him back?" He frowned for a moment before brushing some hair out of her face,

"He loves you Sam, he always will and if you cry sometimes, he will understand, okay? But don't let it do this to you. Don't let yourself get like this." He sighed, his fingers running through her hair before moving up to sit beside her, his hand still in hers as he wrapped his other arm around her.

"Do you think he can see me?" She blushed a little as she asked, moving her head to his chest as she closed her eyes, "I am sure he can, he's watching down on you Sam – he always will be." Freddie closed his own eyes, biting down on his lip before leaning down to kiss her on the forehead.

"Thank you." She murmured, moving her other arm to wrap it around his waist, "I'm always here Sam."

"I know, I'm glad – even though after today I will never admit it." She laughed a little, sitting up to look at him, taking a deep breath before leaning in to kiss him on the lips.

"I've kind of wanted to do that for a long time as well." She muttered, her cheeks turning a dark shade of red before she turned away, moving her hand away from him, taking his silence as disgust.

"I've wanted to do that too." He finally said, his head shaking as he tried to get rid of the shock.

"You're in love with Carly, you don't have to pity me."

"I'm not in love with her – that would be easier than falling for you." He let out a small laugh, moving closer to her to brush some strands of hair out her face, before putting his hand under her chin and forcing her to look at him. His lips touched hers within a second, her arms wrapped around his neck just a few seconds later as his hands found their way to her waist.

It felt _perfect, _everything he thought it would be, everything he had _wanted. _He could get used to this.

_Baby, you're all that I want. When you're lying her in my arms, finding it hard to believe we're in heaven. Love is all that I need and I found it there in your heart, it isn't too hard to see... we're in heaven. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

_I try not to cry, mummy says it's okay. _

_I know you don't like it when I cry, never wanted me to be sad. _

_I try daddy but it hurts._

_Is it true you're not coming home? Maybe someday, I can visit you in heaven, okay? _

Tears fell down her face as she ran into the bathroom – away from Freddie – she couldn't afford to love someone else, she couldn't cope with someone loving her.She thought about her dad, she thought about Freddie, she thought about herself, she thought about everything that had gone wrong in her life since her dad's death. Almost every single day of her life was filled with, _if daddy hadn't have died then I would.._

If he wasn't dead her mother would be nice. If he wasn't dead then she wouldn't be covered in bruises right now. If he wasn't dead then she wouldn't be the sarcastic, aggressive person she found herself to be. If he wasn't dead her life would be perfect.

She sighed, gripping onto the sink in front of her as tight as she could, her eyes closed as tears fell through her closed lids and onto her hands. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry out for him, she wanted – for the first time in her life – to be _weak. _

She drew in a shaky breath as she lifted her hand up to her face, letting her shaking fingers gently graze her cheekbone. She turned away from the mirror, not being able to look at her pale – almost grey – skin, her lifeless eyes almost hidden by the dark circles seemingly engraved underneath them.

She finally lowers her hand, her head shaking as more tears start to fall down her face, stinging her eyes a little. Sam looked at her reflection one more time, before slowly turning on the taps, sighing before sliding down onto the floor and drawing her knees to her chest.

"I miss you," She whispers to herself, looking up at the ceiling to some _invisible _person that she can only wish is still there, _can you see me?_

She bit down on her lip, her nails digging into her knees as she felt that _urge _as she usually did. She shook her head, slowly rising onto her feet as she tried her best to stop herself from falling down to the ground, clutching her head and closing her eyes – _if only the pain could stop. _

But then she can't forget that feeling, the way it makes her feel so much _better, _so much _happier. _She finally makes her way over to the cupboard, taking out the one thing she had been looking for quickly, her eyes almost lighting up, a small smile on her face as she sinks back down onto the floor. _Maybe it would all be okay now. _

It happens quickly, and the next thing she knows, she's staring down at her arm, dark red blood dripping down and hitting the cold, hard bathroom tiles. Tears start to fall again as she curls up into a tight ball, her knees to her chest, her eyes still on the cut she had only just made, _too deep. _

_**Maybe one day I can visit you in heaven, okay?**_

Her eyes started to close, slowly but surely as she thought about what it would be like to see her daddy again, he meant the world to her, he protected her. _You were the greatest daddy. _She missed him more than anything, she missed him more than words can say – and every anniversary was the same. But this one was so much worse; she wanted to **die. **She wanted him to hold her again, _she couldn't handle it anymore. _

Her eyes closed finally, her breath slow and shallow as she tried her best to think of anything other than the pain running through her body. _Please don't be mad at me, I didn't want him to do all that stuff to me. I didn't mean to be cheeky, I didn't mean to make mummy beat me. Please don't hate me daddy. _

_**Mummy says you're safe now, in a beautiful place called heaven. **_

She wanted to be safe too, she wanted to see him, she wanted to tell him she loved him. She needed him to hold her, she just needed _someone, anyone _to tell her they loved her. She never asked for him to leave her, she never asked for any of this, she never wanted it to be this way.

Maybe this was the only way. Maybe this was the way it was supposed to be. Maybe.

She could hear someone calling her in the distance, but the voice was too far away to make out – _daddy? - _She smiled a little, it would all be okay now.

She felt someone hold her, but it was light, too light to be possible, too gentle to be true. Desperate shouts for help; _help? Why would someone be calling for help? She was safe now. _

_**I love you so much, I miss you daddy. **_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

_I miss how you used to tickle me;_

_Tickle my belly: My belly hurts. _

Her eyes opened, her hand in someone else's as her fingers curled around his; it was weak, but she was there. Her heart dropped; she had failed. She could feel her whole body shaking at the thought of it, tears falling from her still closed eyes. _She had failed. _She wanted to scream as she thought about it, her heart thumping too quickly in her chest as she thought about facing everyone after what she had done – what she had _tried _to do.

_She had failed. _She bit down on her lip, not wanting to open her eyes and see the shame and disgust in her best friends eyes – if they were even here. She could imagine the rumours now; _she's attention seeking, stupid.. _she can see it all; but that's not what she cares about. _She had failed. _

She gulped, the thought running through her head on repeat, suddenly pulling her hand with as much force as possible from the unknown persons hand, hearing a small cry of surprise. But she still refused to open her eyes. She was _ashamed. She had failed. _

She thought about it again and again, trying to find something to believe in, something that could have possibly made her want to fail – there was nothing. There was no light; there was nothing left for her. She just wanted her daddy.

"Sam," She heard a light whisper, knowing who it was just by the sound of their voice, her heart stopping a little as she dared herself to open her eyes and look into his and tell him how sorry she was. _She didn't mean to do it. _She couldn't bare seeing the pain in his eyes, or the shame. What if he hated her?

"Sam, open your eyes, please?" She heard him again, listening to him as she opened her eyes slowly, more and more tears falling down her face and hitting the pillow behind her. She didn't bother wiping them away as she looked away from him, and up at the ceiling, trying to adjust her eyes to the light. _She had failed. _

"Sam, look at me." He whispered, his voice cracking as his hand shook, slowly bringing his hand to her forehead, brushing some hair out of her face before leaning down to kiss her on the cheek gently. _She had failed. _

She whimpered as the thought ran through her head once more, about to turn away from him before he stopped her; finally looking at him – _he didn't hate her. _He looked her up and down for a second, sighing before looking her right in the eyes and shaking his head.

"I thought I was going to lose you," He frowned, the mere thought disturbing him as he tried his best to think of something else. He wanted to grab her by her shoulders and scream at her; he wanted to shout at her for hurting him and everyone else who loved her; he wanted to cry right there and then and then storm out. He wanted to do so much, but he knew none of it would help.

"I just wish I could have helped you, you didn't have to do that." His hand trailed lightly down her body, causing her to shiver a little as he got to her wrists, holding one up and lightly tracing the deep cuts that could just be seen through the bandage.

"I love you Samantha." His voice grew louder, not looking at her as he said it, his eyes on the cuts instead. He tried to come up with ways he could have stopped her, maybe he could have done something else, something _more _and maybe he could have held her closer to him as she cried.

Sam bit down on her lip, deep in thought before looking up at him, tears falling from her eyes as she inhaled a shaky breath. "I love you too Freddie," He smiled down at her, sitting down on the bed and moving her to lay in his lap as she sobbed,

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She felt his fingers running through her long, blonde hair as he shook his head, tears falling down his own pale face as he tried to think of something to say; anything he could say to her to make her better.

_Maybe someday; I can visit you in heaven, okay? _

"I don't want to die." She whispered, wrapping her arms around his waist, the tears finally stopping as she looked up at him, "it won't happen again." She winced at the thought of him never forgiving her for this but the feelings went away when he smiled at her, "You're going to be okay; your dad would be proud." She nodded and sighed,

"I miss him."

"I know you do but it's going to be okay, he loves you Sam, he wouldn't want you to be hurting like this." She nodded, _finally understanding why she had failed._

Her eyes closed as she felt his lips on her forehead, a small smile on her face, "Thank you." She murmured, "Thank you for saving me."

_It's time for me to go to bed now,_

_I sleep with the light on just in case you come home,_

_And kiss me good night._

_I miss you so much; I love you daddy._

**~ The End ~ **


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